Ways to Forget
by Mikini
Summary: AU of TSR episode 12 13. Sousuke makes some decisions. It will probably end up slash mm. If you don't like slash, don't read. Coarse language, mild violence.


AU of FMP The Second Raid. Sousuke makes some different decisions.

Normally, I don't post my stories. I hide them. I decided to try this pairing out, since..there is no slash there, but I can see it happening. And I don't know Leonard well enough to use him.

I don't own FMP, I would be rich, and Leonard and Sousuke would be carnaging by now.

13+ because ofCoarse language, slash, m/m eventually. Don't like, I'm not forcing you to read.

_How can I become human, and stay human?_

I sat in the hallway when they went in, and I suppose that if someone I knew was around, they'd be surprised to see that I was still there when he came out.

"Yo, time to go."

I sighed, not bothering to have to look through the open door, knowing what had happened after the gun shots.

The man looked back, a grin, or something to some resemblance plastered on his face.

"What's with the face sweetie? Worrying about gray hairs?"

Heat rose, my hand went to the gun holster, fingers twitching slightly, as I recalled the past.

_Just like a saint._

_..Beautiful._

_I love you, my Kashim._

"Are you sure it's ok like this? The others couldn't meet their offer."

"Hey, hey, what's that for? According to your standards of justice, I'm just doing a little community service. Although, if I got a dime every time I did…well you get the idea."

I shook my head in disbelief, as we walked past the secretary (and, the only person to my knowledge we left live). This was the man who could see through my facade, the only one who could convince me of well...anything when the time came.

Unbelievable.

Then again, in all the time I knew him, he was, if I had to put plainly in one word, unpredictable. Of course, my relationship to him went farther back than most I knew realized, and was more complicated and personal than I would have cared to indulge.

8888888

I was always on top of my game until I met him, although he was always quite the predictable one. I was the variable.

When I had sent the message in Hong Kong, Kashim came, just as expected. But I don't think he quite expected me. What I didn't expect was for him to come alone, especially so as he didn't think me.

Perhaps he thought me dead. Really Kashim, I'm insulted, you know it takes a bit ore than that.

I suspect he tried to stop feeling, most do when they feel life's lost meaning. Don't get me wrong, this wasn't the first time he tried. I've seen it before.

As I watched him grow up.

But that time was different. Looks like his friends can't help him now.

That's why I call him my Kashim. And only I can- will ever call him that.

"Hmm, I wonder if that means you've become uncomfortable? …heh heh."

"What?"

Poor Kashim, he looks a little confused.

"In Mithril, I mean. Being in a unit that has the pretensions of being on the side of justice-it would get on anybody's nerves. Especially a man like you."

I, myself know that I can get on anybody's nerves. The hand on the gun twitched-his brows furrowing deeper.

Kashim couldn't deny those words. Ah, well, since he didn't feel like talking about, he changed the subject.

"Tell me about your organization."

"Yet your mission is still important to you?...hehe."

"…"

"Well, it's also some revenge on my colleagues." I said flatly.

You always were amusing, but somehow, this conversation was getting boring. Fast.

8888888

Sousuke stared down at the man in the bed, gun still in hand.

"'Amalgam.' That's the name of the organization that I was working for. Its objective for now is the research and development of the new weapons and testing them in combat. It's for that reason that they wage terrorism and cause regional conflicts. There are a large number of Amalgam sympathizers who have penetrated into the hard-line factions of each nation. There are a lot of guys in the east and west who want cold war formation and munitions preservation. The fifth dispute in the middle east, the Chinese Civil War between the north and south, the Soviet Civil War- it's said that Amalgam had a hand in all of them."

"Sounds like your kind of people." I said blankly.

"Well, it was just like a little bit of heaven. But there were some complications. I shot some people, and they decided to well…shoot back."

It sounded a lot like hell.

I wanted to stop right there, to not have to talk to him, all it was doing was making me feel so- but it was needed for Chidori's safety.

"Where is Amalgam's base? Who are the main people?"

"A hint is 'Bad ham'."

"Bad ham?"

"I'm not going to tell you anything else, now. Give me a break, this conversation isn't interesting. Although I don't mind talking at all. Boring talk like this- this isn't the point." Gauron said a bemused look on his face.

The bastard. I looked down, silently at his face, against my better judgment. Disgusting. Me, how it would be to have to suck up to this man even a little, again.

Even so.

"Tell me. Please."

Maybe he'll even be happy. No, Gauron would not be.

He looked up at me, glance full of impatience.

"'Please", huh? Hearing those words from you makes me wanna puke."

"What...?"

"Did you sell your soul to those revolting Mithril scumbags?"

"?" Revolting?

"That's right... here's the point," he went into a coughing fit, interrupting him.

"Think about it. An organization that has no telling how many billions of dollars it has invested in it, and uses that kind of submarine? It may be a little embarrassing to say, but how many tens of thousands of poor people do you think you can save with that same money? Controlling regional conflicts? Making peace? It's all a joke. How is Amalgam different? They always dig wells in poor countries first. Don't you agree?"

Again, I couldn't deny what he said. And as he continued talking, they kept digging deeper, as I drowned myself in memories.

"...I think it's alright to call that 'beautiful'."

Those words alone were able to bring my out of my lapse of silence, making me listen harder...but.

"Then when we met in Shun On. I was so overjoyed. You still had that look in your eyes. It would be wonderful to kill you, I thought. I thought about dragging you dead body out of that AS and fucking it up the ass. Well, there was no need for that really."

Gauron never said anything that he didn't mean.

I love you, my Kashim.

"Shut up."

"We're two of a kind you and I. Tell me. Is it really that much fun to hang around with those weak bastards?"

"Sh..."

I didn't want to listen to any of this anymore. But...I can't help that what this man is saying is right.

'He could perfectly guess the reason that he was feeling the way he was right now.'

..When nobody else really did, he realized. However, he really had become weaker. Much weaker. When did that happen?

Since Mithril, Jindai High School, and her.

"I told you to shut up!" -and pulled the trigger. It missed. That was all.

"You don't have the nerve to kill an enemy, huh?" a thin smile played his lips.

"Shut up..." It seemed a faint voice was all I could muster. I stared at the floor.

"I've gotten rid of the 'largest tumor' that's turned you into nothing."

"The largest...tumor?"

He grinned.

"The girl Kashim. Have you not heard yet?"

"Yo...you're lying."

"Am I?"

Wh...at am I doing here?

Kaname...was she dead? At that moment, I felt truly alone.

Until he heard an electronic sound.

By killing Kaname Chidori, Gauron had snatched away any hope there was to go back to that life.

Kaname was dead.

Seemingly, feelings didn't gush out.

But I felt that somewhere in my heart there was some kind of- a kind of warmth that wouldn't go away. I had seen a lot of death up until now. And she had joined the rest in one page of that dark album.

"-attention, we repeat that the Arbalest has been launched."

The Arbalest...?

Gauron...

8888888

It was painfully obvious to see what was going through his head.

And obvious to assume that Kashim was not having a very 'nice' day.

He was still looking at the floor, bangs covering his eyes, the hand holding the gun had dropped, and it seemed to be shaking.

"I...don't want to be alone."

"Well, I'd have a little proposition for you, but this place isn't the greatest place for the road to recovery."

He looked up at me, his eyes, like always, displayed all emotions he felt. Even if he held a good poker face.

He seemed to nod, and turned out of the room.

I looked out the window, to gather what was happening outside.

Two men in plain clothes ran across the street towards Kashim.

"You look terrible, Sergeant,"

Shit, they didn't know half of it. I grinned.

"...why are you here?"

"We were asked by the Lt. Commander to follow you."

"I see..."

There was a roar from the sky.

Two gunshots within five seconds of each other. NO witnesses, right Kashim? You always were a bit brutal.

An AS landed, a minute later, its hand went through the wall, grabbing the metal hand and various equipment.

"Hey, is that how you treat a patient?"

"It's not a problem."

"Hum, not a problem huh."

I grinned again. Not such a bad deal, look what I had gained...or regained? ...well it never really ended anyway.

Amazing what the truth and a little patience got you.

Can't believed I finished. Rushed at the end though.


End file.
